Be good to one another.

Be good to one another no matter what.

My heart is struck. I woke up on this day in heartbreak. Whirling in resistance to a new context of love and friendship. But I was doing so good? A tantrum of sorts got the best of me and I insisted Things would be so perfect if X, Y, Z.... Why can't you just A, B, C????! Gee wiz, how it's so easy to point the finger in upset. Words of reason from my dearest friend reminded me that love can always be present in whatever context I live into. And the calmness came to my waters once more. I was back in the game. I spent a blessed afternoon with 2 angel children, one of which joined our life party merely 2 months ago. I silently gave thanks for the honor. Kids know nothing of our silly adult ways. They are the epitome of rad. And I thank them for the reminder that life is precious so there's no point in waiting to enjoy it. Still rockin' the day. A workable day of work with many laughs. A safe commute to my temporary dwelling. And then just a quick email check before bed snags my eye on some words. A passing. No.... my mind refutes. I don't want that. Funny how I could feel the sensations of every individual part of my machinery searching for evidence, quickly and sloppily, and then abruptly congregating in my heart to deliver the news. Eyes, mind, fingers, blood. No.... I don't want that.  I didn't expect to cry. I didn't expect it to happen, but even so, if I were to have guessed I wouldn't expect to cry. My friend was a friend by way of work, and by some miscalculated inattentiveness, I must have missed him making his way to the core of my heart. The very core. How did you get there? I never felt regret like that before. I gave up the practice of regret long ago. Every action in my days are powerfully chosen. So how did I miss this one? I wasn't a good friend, I hear. I hear it in my mind. I could have reached out more. Why didn't I answer that last email? Why didn't I check in on him? The search for evidence leads me to his photos - as if his smiling face on the computer screen will give me opposing proof. I wish it did. Geez, I haven't felt regret like this before. My friend was a good one. A great one. He never let on. He never let on that this could happen. And when he finally did, it was so chipper and light you had to take a chance even believing him. He was always smiling....  My tears are angry and regretful. But I know it's only because the clouds just arrived. This friend was a blessing, and it wouldn't honor him to wake up with these same hurt tears. Life is too fleeting, too precious. The morning emotions dissolve away in the awakening of this reminder. Not such a big deal afterall. What was I thinking? Life is precious. You are precious. I hope sleep washes away the dark clouds. In the morning I will wake to his memory.. and smile all day long for him, for his gorgeous spirit. You are so loved, my friend. Thank you for everything.