One thing I do in my time is hold presence at the front desk of a snazzy little restaurant here in San Diego. Tonight we had the disputable pleasure of hosting a regular guest for dinner.
Within a 30 second interaction regarding his table, he offered this in reference to my short-shingle-do: "Let me tell you something... guys don't like to make love to boys."
Insult and aversion don't phase my smile. "Oh..... what's funny is my boyfriend is the one who took the clippers to my head for me." Bullet-proof beam in tact. I've been around the restaurant circus long enough to accept and excuse most of it's unfathomable characters. Real funny, creep... nice try being a downer to my sunshine.
A slight snort and roll of his eyes assures me, "He regrets it."
I managed to laugh a bogus expression of amusement as I excused myself away.. from him... anywhere! Not long after I hear of his radiating charm while the seating hostess lay a dinner-napkin on his lap. "Pardon my reach," she says - to which he counters with, "You can reach a little lower if you want."
Gross! Maybe if you were mildly grotesque instead of entirely, I would feel a little less repulsed. Really, man??! Do you have to go about challenging my peace and love mantras?? Must you be such a douche??
Okay, okay. Ease up, mind reel.
Everyday is an exercise in being love. And really, the only thing separating me from this slime ball is my judgment of him. My girl Tawney just posted this bit: Make no judgments where you have no compassion. I really get that as long as there is a limitation between you and ONE person, there is a huge limitation within yourself. But this one stumps me. I can either A) Be a douche right back to him, or B) Smile passively and move on - neither of which play out powerfully.
If you feel moved, the forum for offerings is open. What in the heck would you do? How would you knock this man to awareness and tact without hitting him upside the head? Afterall, no human being is a lost cause, right?
Time to curl up and get lost in lucid dreaming...here's to the ridiculousness that is us.
We are funny creatures, that's for sure.
In love and boyish-bobs,
Nat
it's work. it really is. but it's worth the effort! the way i'm experiencing the choice, my power to BE love is that i can choose what receives my focus, my attention. in that instant i would really withdraw my attention from him and his behavior and become the space around him. allow him to be whatever he's being. be the space around him rather than the face in front of him. love contains us all without judgement. just like this moment. this moment allows everything to appear within it. everything. no good or bad. nothing is excluded from the space of this moment. and that's what being love is to me.
ReplyDeleteand this is the amazing thing, in the moment we're just present like that, in the moment we're spacious with someone, with someone who is a button pusher, we allow something powerful to flow through us and surround them. we in that instant are the invitation to transform, to evolve into love.
things i've done in moments like that is ignore the story my mind starts up on and start thinking about the things i love. my dog. my home in the woods. things that instantly bring me back into the love-space. and the step i take from there toward anyone always surprises me.
i may also start thinking about the person as love sees them. how does love see this person? what does love think about this person? i'd ask myself something like that to redirect my reaction.
you can also pre-pave before walking into the restaurant. before you even go in, decide that you are going to see everyone as love today, that everyone that comes into your view, you'll decide is unconditional beautiful love. and that decision will leave no space for any kind of judgement to rise up, because you've already decided.
the energy you wrap yourself in with that decision, with that lens, what you'll inspire out of those around you, will only put a smile on your face.
blessings sweets!
♥ k.
I find it interesting that people have heard the phrase, "Karma is a B*TCH!" and continue to act the way they do. A case of having their heads so far up their colon they can't see something objectively and how it affects those they encounter. Even the little things. You can't control what others say or how they act--only your reaction.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, you inspired me with the short locks. I was having problems with the hair. You want to talk about seeing love in someone... It was a fairly dramatic cut and the only person who noticed was my friend Ryan. My nickname for him is my "Zen Papa," even though I could have given birth to him. Like you and the crew, he does everything out of love. Even when I would lose my mind, instead of shutting me out, he shows what loving one's self really means.
All of this to say, that even though it might sting just a little bit, when you walk through your life coming from love, that love is like Wonder Woman's deflecting cuffs.
And when you encounter someone like that person who is acting like a 2-year-old, then just treat them like a 2-year-old. Lower your voice and stare into his eyes with the angry mom look.
Works every time.
Wow! If he even knew the reason you cut it. It is possible you could have shown how much love you have for others and how big of a douche he was without being a douche back just by letting him know that you gave your hair to "Locks of Love"
ReplyDeleteEven if you hadn't cut your hair for that reason, I think it is fabulous at the length you have it now. You show that you can be YOU. What a powerful example you are to so many of us who struggle with that everyday. Thank you for your wonderful example of how to "Be LOVE".
Ask him his name, he says John or something. Hey John are you visiting or do you live here? Ask him when he was a little boy what was the best day in his life and what made it so great? Now say remember that day and try to give that same gift to someone else. Then say it was nice talking to you John and flounce away with your precious little pixie cut, knowing you just readjusted his wiring. Love Tawney's mom
ReplyDeleteI had something similar happen to me at work with a customer a few days ago. For a split second I almost snapped something horrible back at them but then I thought 'it isn't worth it'. Instead I was polite "thank you" "have a nice day" etc. etc. it brought my whole day down though, the rest of the day I thought of all the things I could have said or done. I thought about it way more then I should have, ended up giving myself a headache. I thought next time she's in here.......... then I thought about it some more and came up with 'it still isn't worth it'. looking back at it I'd do the same thing. except for the thinking about it more then I should have.
ReplyDeleteon the hair thing - I think you look amazing. I to have short hair. I keep telling myself that I'm going to let it grow back and end up cutting it again. I love my short hair. it's awesome and so are you.
:) have yourself a beautiful day Natalie
Ahhh beautiful soul. I think you know exactly what my words would have been..."Bless his heart."
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this tale. YOU, as always, remained classy in his presence. ;-)
Love you!
that man obviously needs to be loved in a way he doesn't expect. i think you did the right thing by not letting him take away your smile.
ReplyDeleteit's easy to lash back and give him negative energy. i always feel that when all someone has to give to me is negative energy, what lies beneath that is a cry out for help! for compassion! for love!
sure, he's a douchebag, but he's clearly suffering in his life. he's still human and he still needs to be loved.
you did just that, you loved him as best as you could. giving him your positive energy is a sacrifice that will deflect his negative energy.
love you lots, my inspiring sister! love, tabatha
"The ones who are hardest to love are usually the ones who need it the most"
ReplyDelete- Dan Millman (Way of the peaceful warrior - best book ever!)
xo
I really think everyone already said it for me, and in a much more eloquent and intelligent way. Still I've never been one not to talk even when not asked so here is my response: It seems he has forgotten the things in his life that you seem to have that I'm sure he once celebrated. Things like Happiness and Compassion and true Passion for that matter. Saying something to him that would remind him that some people still have those things would be my response. Something along the lines of "Thank you for your opinion, I hope that next time it is shared out loud it is something filled with love and kindness and less harsh." ha may be lame but it is blunt, to the point and would probably surprise him. <3
ReplyDelete