The road to peace.

I took a walk through my high school hallways today. Reflection on my path to transformation led me to those 4 years so vital in forming the mold to be me. Every day was huge then - each class period a segment of opportunity for Fear & Doubt to drive the vehicle that was my teenage years towards popularity, success, being liked and being loved, all the while holding up the cast of a beautiful shell to turn boys' heads.

Evenings were set aside to create difficulty for the woman, my dear Mother, who in my then-eyes didn't "get" me, when really, I didn't get me, and wouldn't even begin to until half a decade later. What an exhausting time. What an amazing time! I hated every minute of wanting top-notch grade acknowledgement or getting zero boy attention then, and I love, adore, and appreciate every awkward, heart-wrenching, world's-going-to-end moment now. I wouldn't trade a minute of it.

High school is such an unnatural, insecurity intensified aquarium for developing teenage bodies. Scheduled pools of water where our goals, worries, dreams, and devastations can all swim together, as parents and other high school alumni watch, grade, and direct from the other side of the glass - after 4 years graduating and setting us free with Cliff Notes on Becoming A _(Fill in the blank.)__. Step 1: Go to the "best" university* that will accept you. (*For list of best universities, please refer to society's opinion.)

Here I am, half-way to my first high school reunion, and I seem to have misplaced my Cliff Notes. Instead, I have a handful of directionless college credits, a career in part-time jobs, and 56 cents in my bank account. (Note to mom: I have cash on me! I know your sneaky deposit tactics!) I am also the most self-expressed and happiest I have ever been.

Consciousness is on full-volume and I find myself so present to you, myself, the world, all of our emotions and 'reasoning' to our actions. And I am so present to the perfection in the mayhem we create and live in.

A man initiates war in another country because he sees peace for all through the destruction. A young girl submits her unborn baby to abortion because she doubts her ability to provide for it. Through the rubble of each action is love. Would you consider that the man who walks into a building with a bomb strapped to his body is a walking request for love? Can you see it?

I stand in the circle God drew for me at creation. I was never not going to be here. And as I stand with this breathtaking view of awakening, I resonate with, "This is perfect." Mmm. And everyone/thing that got me here is perfect. I CHOSE you in my life to get me here, and I am ever so grateful.

Acknowledgments that often get brushed off as trivial are magic spells of love presenced. I get this now. So thank you to you, beautiful soul - whether my mother, father, teacher, friend, or stranger - for everything that you are and everything you contribute to this world we inhabit. What you do there, resonates here. I love every moment of goodness, and I forgive all - including myself - for ever presencing anything other than love. We are eachother's zen masters, chosen so specifically to teach perfect lessons and cultivate ties of humanity.

If by chance I don't cross your path in the physical world to tell you, take this to heart: I love you and hold space for all that you are. You are perfect. You are complete now, and you have the blessing of this day to do and be whatever it is you choose.

You are the world to me.
Thank you.

In love and light and GLEE.
Natalieeee