This blog has it's title for exactly this reason. I'm a feeler. I make up that my shift of experiences - hot and cold, happy and sad, love and hate - occur quickly and without warning. I'm playing ring-around-the-rosie on the color wheel, running marathons from blue to yellow to melancholy gray. Good luck keeping up with my emotions. And bravo to the man holding my heart. He had no idea what he was getting himself into when he asked me out for tea by the sea. I'm a happy mess. Experiencing happiness in a messy way. Learning to steer my wheel and allowing the emotions to enjoy the view.
A while back I received a message from my older brother assuring me I didn't always have to keep it together. He wanted me to know it was okay if I wasn't happy every minute of every day, and that I didn't need to constantly surround myself with smiling people. At the time I was on a high of transformational workshop experiences. His comment struck me personally and stuck with me. I know nothing's wrong with me. I know I don't need these inspirational seminars. I'm taking the courses, but I'm doing it for the consciousness of everyone. There is no such thing as self-transformation. Doesn't he know I experience sadness too? And I'm okay with that?
What a personal trip. All that was, was my brother expressing love through concern! I totally get that. With a simple shift of thinking, all my desires to prove something to him disappeared.
I love this work. I love having a purpose so much bigger than myself, so much bigger than you, and all of us. The high of it lets me fly for days, and I always hope to pick you up for a connection flight.
This morning my best friend in the world brought me sunshine via email from Europe. Sometime today a gypsy Goddess friend of mine is hopping on a jet plane to Costa Rica. Tomorrow morning some buddies leave for South America.
I love this world! I love you people!
I'm living the dream, and you're in it.
Xoxo.
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